From Sales To Self
Exactly a year ago, I wished that I could disappear. I was feeling so overwhelmed that I literally felt that I wanted to run to another world, another life. The pain that I was feeling every day paralysed my body and my mind to the point where I could no longer remember how it felt to feel good.
Do you ever feel like you wanna run away from your life?
It’s a hard thought to carry, it’s so outrageous that we are afraid to even think about it. “Am I going crazy? Will I ever go back to myself?” I had just moved into my dream house, which I bought with my husband. Owning a house in the Netherlands was far more than anything the 9-year-old me could have imagined. I grew up in a small town in Romania, in a very poor family. Not-knowing-if-there’d-be-food-on-the-table-tomorrow poor.
Back in those days, I’d take refuge in myself. I’d spend time alone, with my thoughts and internal dialogue, imagining a better life. My imagination was my best friend. I’d imagine a life where I had everything I needed, where I’d be happy. In practical terms, this translated into a high-earning job, a home of my own, a family of my own.
Alone with my thoughts, I set up my path to Achievement
At school, I was the best student. In my first job, I was the one with the best results. Money was important, yes, but the satisfaction I’d get from validation from achievement was like a big hug for me. It felt like love. But when love is dependent on achievements, you set yourself up for a very dangerous life. Perfectionism becomes your medal of honour, which means that everything short of perfection gets you extremely anxious, because it might not generate the result you crave so much - that feeling of love and safety.
So I went, and achieved. I was doing very well at work, but I craved more. I always wanted to get to the peak and, somewhere in my 20s, my peak became the idea of leaving Romania to emigrate to a better country. I took the first job I could find in the Netherlands and felt, maybe for the first time, that deep down, that job was not what I wanted to do, but I felt like I had to do it because it was going to take me where I wanted to go.
So, after a few months doing this role, when I felt like I was going to my execution every day, I said to myself “You must continue, you must do this no matter what it takes.” My colleague, who knew how I was feeling, asked me “But, Ioana, what if you resign and find another job?” I remember being so shocked to hear her say this. Not because I could not dare to take her suggestion, but because she put into words something I was feeling in my body, but couldn’t articulate:
I am allowed to leave. I am allowed to do what makes me happy
I left and spent 6 months unemployed. The horror of those days left such an imprint on me, that I said I will never do that again. Yet, I still knew very well that I made the right decisions at the time.
Fast forward to last year, I was exhausted. I had been pushing hard to hit my target, just like I did every quarter. And every time, I caught myself wishing that the next quarter would somehow be easier, better. But it never was. Not even my imagination could catch up with me anymore.
I realised that no magical quarter was coming. Not because I wasn’t trying hard enough, but because I was pushing against something deeper, my own core. Maybe the problem wasn’t the target. Maybe I was pushing in a direction that no longer fit who I was becoming. This is why I was feeling so bad - I was doing something that was wrong for me. I used the magical words from my past “I am allowed to leave. I am allowed to do what makes me happy.”
As soon as I decided that I would start to build a way out, I started to feel so relaxed, as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Things became so clear. Of course they did, because I was finally starting to align who I had become with reality. Up until that point, I was trying to mix what I truly wanted with the ambitions of the 9-year old me, who was poor and hungry. But that reality was not mine anymore.
Outside, I had a very good life. Inside, I still lived like my 9-year-old self
So how did I know this wasn’t a passing frustration? How did I come to understand that the new voice inside was something to be taken into consideration? Because it did not go away. It wasn’t something that was screaming or agitating me. It was something that was quiet, and felt so right. Following this voice, my intuition, felt like an act of self love. Notice the word felt.
The key difference between your intuition and other emotions is HOW IT FEELS. Lots of people report feelings of anxiety “taking place” in their gut. That’s also where your intuition can be felt. Sometimes, it also sits in the back of your head.
Anxiety, self-doubt, self-sabotage - these are not intuition. They are emotional dynamics shaped by your head, your internal reality.
Your Intuition is the quiet response to your external reality, your environment
Gabor Mate grounds this distinction in human evolution. Intuition or gut feelings are not mystical or modern ideas; they are ancient survival mechanisms. For hundreds of thousands of years, long before modern society, humans were dependent on gut feelings to survive. And this modern, hyper-cognitive way of living is a blink of an eye in evolutionary terms. Our ancestors didn’t survive by overthinking, analysing options endlessly and doubting every internal signal.
If you are struggling with telling intuition from anxiety, go back to your body and ask:
What is the felt experience right now?
Is there calm knowing?
Or is there tension and disturbance?
That bodily difference is the same one our ancestors relied on — instinctively, without questioning it.
Following my intuition has led me to the best decisions of my life
I left Romania after years of feeling in my body that the environment doesn’t suit me anymore. resigned from that first job in the Netherlands and ended up at a company where I experienced some of the best years from my sales career and met one of my best friends. It led me to my last job, where I spent 2 happy years, but quietly knowing that my intuition was telling me to pursue something else.
If you’re like me, a young over-achieving professional, who would have never relied on anything else than pure logic to make a change in their life, then you’re probably scared of even the thought that a voice inside of you knows what’s best for you. Society, your colleagues, LinkedIn, they are all making you think that you might even be a little crazy to make life-changing decisions with the help of your intuition. I get it!
But I woke up from all that. Let’s all take a moment to remember that we live in the heart of capitalism, a system that’s designed to distance you from your natural instincts. But maybe you’re also grown too tired of the system? Maybe you also feel that something is no longer right for you? Whether it’s a job, a relationship or any life situation, if you allow yourself to feel what’s deep down inside, you already know the answer to what you must do.
For a long time, I believed that thinking harder would save me. It didn’t. What changed my life wasn’t another strategy or plan, but learning to trust what felt calm and true inside my body. If something in you has been quietly asking for attention, you don’t need to silence it. You can start by listening.
If you’re very stressed or exhausted, intuition can be harder to hear. That doesn’t mean it’s gone; it means the system needs settling first
Try this exercise: The Body Yes/ Body No
When to use it:
When you’re considering a decision or direction.
How to do it:
Sit comfortably and take one slow breath.
Say (out loud or silently):
“If I stay where I am, this is how it feels.”Notice the body’s response.
Then say:
“If I move toward something else, this is how it feels.”Again, notice. No judging.
What to look for:
Expansion, softening, relief → intuitive yes
Contraction, heaviness, tension → intuitive no
Key reminder:
Intuition often shows up as relief, not excitement. I’d love to hear about your intuition in the comments.
